I've Sunken So Low, I No Longer Have Standards In Dating

I've never felt more suicidal than during the Christmas period.

It's December 19, and i'm still single. I've spent the best part of this year, celebrating more weddings & engagements than i've had diarrhoea.

It's safe to say, that my dating life in 2017 has been a soft blur.

Maybe there was a conference/meeting that i wasn't invited to where ALL my family and friends decided to find love.

To break the curse and drought of loneliness, i made the decision, to find love at my workplace's annual Christmas party.

'Obviously i know better than to eat where i shit',

so i wasn't going to pull a member of staff.

My arrow cupid eyes were focussed on other people within the vicinity.
The location was at a restaurant in Battersea, South West London.
Fairly low key but not so bad.

As i walked in and scanned the restaurant looking for potential guys, i immediately realised that there were..... really really really ... slim pickings.

The only guy that caught my eye was "Mr Guns!"

His name was Adam.

He was Caucasian.

A tall barman with brunette hair and a stubbly beard.

Not your everyday type of handsome, but his Indian henna/Aborigine inspired tattoo's on his muscles made him look incredibly rugged and sexy👅  😻 !

He walked up and down taking orders and serving drinks, all the while my beady eyes engulfed his frame tight butt cheeks.

I Spent the best part of the afternoon, wondering the best way to approach him without looking like an educated whore. 

LETS BE CLEAR: I was very tipsy. Before the main course was served, i'd already drank 2 very large glasses of Rose and a glass of champagne. Don't judge me its Christmas! Wine O'clock!

Looking back, i think i was craving him!
God i really craved him.. or maybe any male that moved at that point!

It got to the point where i was staring so much, my colleague saw me and made a pledge to get me his number. RED FLAG!

Another male colleague who was eavesdropping kept stressing that i was far to superior to be dating a barman with my credentials.

Honestly, as conceited as that sounds, he was probably right, but my brain had lost all will power to my sexually intoxicated hormones.

The chunky barman caught my eye and i just couldn't look away! 

We'd all had dessert, and as he came over and asked if there was anything else, i asked for his name like a divvv! 😬  😬  😬.

Then my colleague interjected rapidly! Speaking at a 100 miles a minute, saying,

 "This is my gorgeous colleague. Her name is ______. She's only twenty ____ years old. She's our in-house _____. She's very brilliant and makes a shit load of money."

 All the while, i'm sitting next to her grinning like a constipated orang-utan.

He just replied....

"I have a girlfriend"

... and walked off. 

...Mic drop. 

... and just like that, I got Rejected at a work Christmas party by a bar man!

What a way to end the year!