It's either Sex in the city has totally warped my perception of dating, or I've just become a sexual predator.

I went on a date last night, with a guy who looks like the singer Miguel, dresses like an Urban gentleman and seems perfect from the onset.

Knowledgeable, Inquisitive and caring. It was our 4th date. I'd met him on Tinder (as always). In total we'd known each other for the best part of 3 weeks, (if I include the day we swiped and matched and met up etc). Lets call him Mr Cay.

History

There was nothing peculiar about the fact that Mr Cay and I matched.  What was different, was the fact that he wrote me a 'personalised poem based on all my pictures'. I thought that was enduring and gave him my number simultaneously without even having a conversation 1st... (MASSIVE RED FLAG).

We vaguely messaged back and forth on WhatsApp as I was flying out for a 10 day visit to Lagos. When I arrived back , he insisted that we meet up for drinks. I only accepted because he lived so local ...(something that no other guy has ever done..literally he lived less than 5km away).

After a very simple but lust filled date (I fancied the pants off this Demi-god but once he opened his mouth, it drastically went downhill from there), I figured that this guy was different, but I didn't know why. It wasn't a 'sexy kind of different' but rather 'an awkward  but interesting-I wanna know more..it's been a dry spell...my vag needs some loving..so I'll go with it' kind of different.

He said things like "I don't sleep around, I will not have sex with a girl for at least 3months...etc". "i cherish my body and hers". "sex is sacred, even though i'm no longer religious, it shouldn't be enjoyed with just anyone."

I legit thought the brother was running game on me.

So, while I was out and about in my local the next day, i texted Mr Cay to see if he wanted to grab lunch at Nandoes (I paid for the both of us). He was hot, hence I wanted too see his beautifully handsome face again. He agreed and met up with me looking so suave AGAIN, I felt intimidated as I looked like a tramp in a hoodie. After lunch he invited me to meet ALL his 7 best friends later that evening for dinner at a really expensive restaurant (it was his friends birthday...he paid like £100 for each of us).

His friends were significantly older than him (baby boy is 29years old and the average age of his friends is 45). They are mainly work colleagues from the city (...they work in Finance). Maybe thats another red flag (or I'm just being paranoid).

Lovely set of people but honestly this was easily one of the weirdest dating experiences I've ever had. Just to be clear, that made it our 3rd date in 2 days.

Problem

After constantly texting each other while at work (yesterday), we somehow agreed to meet up for a walk and dinner. Being a Londoner I didn't know why he'd want to walk around in South West London at 8pm at night. But I obliged him and said ok. We walked around in a large green park. In my head, I just knew somewhere along this nightly stroll, he'd put his hand on my waist, pull me closer to him and kiss me. We'd possibly even make out on the park bench like teenagers (gosh i've been watching to many episodes of Chanel 4's 'The Goldbergs').

Yes 

I

KNOW!

Wishful thinking right ....It was far from that. He held my hand, like one does to an elderly grandma. Literally held me on my elbow.

We spoke about everything, but what i really wanted to discuss (us...his soft lips on mine...future holiday ideas...work...no not work..but you get the drift!)
Instead he kept talking about his Polish female best friend ....AGAIN and AGAIN... (thinking back, I think he is obsessed with her).

The only speaking I wanted was the one where, I was gasping for breathe after we'd been passionately kissing under the Mitcham black sky in Figges Marsh. That was not the case. What was even more frustrating was that, we even saw other people drinking beer while sitting on the grass and I recommend we go and buy some drinks and food and come back to the park and he said... NO.

We then went back to the gastropub where we had our 1st date and sat in the Basement cinema watching 'Great British bakeoff'. I didn't want dinner anymore (i'd lost my appetite with his bullshit) and thats where he dropped the BOMBSHELL.

"I will not have sex with you until you have fucked me mentally."

"I'm saposexual" 

...blah blah blah. 

He continued this monstrosity by saying... 

"but when we do have sex, I have singular tastes."

I think the guy thought he was Christian Grey from 50 Shades.

 ***I swear to whatever gods there maybe, I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP!***

But here comes the biggest gas of the century!!!
he goes...

"when we have sex, I like using whips, apples, bondage, handcuffs'"....
APPLES! like WTF! ...."Apples" like i'm a pig on the spew getting burnt with apples in my mouth AND TIED UP!

...he continues with..

"When I was engaged with my ex fiancée (a Jehovah's witness), who i was in a 4 year relationship with...we didn't have sex BUT, I gave her toe curling orgasms"

*Really NIGGA*

"I really need to understand women..."

I'm going to have to stop here because I'm getting a headache as I write this post. I can't believe how I allowed a handsome face get me sucked into this mess. I was so frustrated with him as he spoke, I found it hard to maintain my demeanour. 

I'm still angry this morning (7 hours later).
I just want to have sex.

I don't want all the things that come with it at this present time.

Y'all know I've just come out of an amazing relationship which was sardonically sexless and awful.

No to find a better word to recreate my sex life with the ex...

... disgusting, nasty, terrible, dreadful, ghastly, horrid, horrible, vile, foul, abominable, appalling, atrocious, horrendous, hideous, offensive, objectionable, obnoxious, frightful, loathsome, revolting, repulsive, repellent, repugnant, odious, sickening, nauseating, nauseous....

Moving on

I've just come to the realisation that maybe i watch ridiculous amounts of SATC. I personally relate to Samantha's character...maybe a bit too much. I totally understand her views even though i'm a practising Catholic.... (which is slightly worrying).

But why does dating have to be so HARD! It takes a while to finally like someone, and when you do it results in bullshit like this. Weirdo's with strange fantasies  who suck you in with their good looks and charm.

Dating in London is so painful, it can almost be compared to the atrocities of Hitler. I DON'T CARE...SUE me! Love feels like a losing battle...my heart has been battered real hard...

How did I become this woman who....

NO!!!

 I refuse to take any blame for this. It can't be me. It's not my fault.

I'm done!

I'm so done with dating... I need a new word for DONE!
Welcome to my new blog.